R5 Get 'The Talk'
by ReNickyAndJeffySittingInATree
Summary: Mark Lynch explains the joys and horrors of sex to his sons and Ellington of course! Rikurt, Rocana and Raura. Eliana is included! My R5 canon. Rated M just to be safe. No smut or graphic detail!


**RIP Cory xxx Rikurt, Rocana and Raura. ( Not much of Riker, yes I am dissapointed in myself) Btw Eliana is an OC by my sister who has known R5 since they were really young. She is also Ellington's sister. Warning: Full on sex talk! Basically the horrors my parents put me through.**

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"Why did you call us all in here?" Riker asked his dad sitting on the couch in between Ryland, Ross, Rocky and for some reason Ellington.

"I think it's time we had the talk" Mark replied leaning back in his armchair. Rocky raised his hands to his forehead whined.

"Whhhyyy?"

"Because you guys are now getting to the age where-"

"I'm almost twenty" Riker replied also trying to wriggle his way out of this.

"I know but you haven't done 'it' yet so we still have time"

"Will you have a different private chat to Riker since he's gay?" Ross asked pointing to his fellow blond brother.

"Um... Well... Riker you may be excused" Rocky got up off the couch in protest.

"Hell no! If he gets out so do I!" Mark shook his head. Riker smirked.

"Nope. Riker is almost twenty and I'm sure he knows what's important anyway, right?"

"Save yourself for the person you love and use protection" Riker standing up.

"Same goes for us, now can we leave?"

"No, Rocky you are not leaving so stop trying" Rocky sat back down. Once Riker was at the door allowing him to escape the hell that Mark Lynch had just created he smiled at his brothers.

"Have fun!" And with that he shut the door. Rocky causally pointed his middle finger at the door before tensing up again.

"Rocky, Ell and your brothers are relaxed just try and do the same. I just want to help you"

"Fine" Mark knew that Rocky still wasn't convicted but he ignored it. Why did Stormie make him do this.

"Okay so first of all I will talk about what I know and then if there are any questions I will do my best to answer them, Is that okay?"

They all nodded. Ellington was really confused. He wasn't even in this family, I bet mom just dumped this all on Mark so George didn't have to.

"Being ready is understanding what sex means and what the consequences can be so we don't have problems or regret it afterwards. Because they can be huge. We're lucky if our first time is simply disappointing. For too many of us it is a painful, embarrassing fumble with someone we hardly know, leaving us feeling lousy the next day and worried about pregnancy and STIs. Nothing cool about that."

Ross's eyes widened. This isn't what all those sappy movies Laura had forced him to watch said. Maybe this could be helpful?

"Right now only Rocky and Ratliff can have sex legally so you two don't try anything yet and-"

"Whoa, whoa, What?!" Mark raised an eyebrow at Rocky. He didn't know the legal age! "Who said anything about me having sex with Eliana?"

"He meant Ellington you dipshit! You just thought he said that cause its all you think about!" Ross laughed.

"Eww! Gross, no!" Rocky was now blushing madly, yeah he likes her but he'd never thought about her in that way. He most defiantly wasn't going to start!

"Guys please stop, This is about us not Eli and Rydel" Mark interrupted. Ross gave Rocky one more smirk before turning to face his dad again.

"When you are ready make sure the condoms are packed and practice putting one on with a carrot beforehand. It beats the first night nerves. We shouldn't rely on anyone to protect us. Our bodies are our responsibility. If you have second thoughts at any point, stop. Just because you've had sex once doesn't mean you have to keep on having it. Many people realise it's really not all it's cracked up to be and shelve it for a while."

"Oh my god," Ross half whined half muttered.

"So you guys may know that an orgasm is a peak of pleasurable sensation. Sexual tension builds up when you get turned on. The tension is released during an orgasm and I'm not going to lie, It feels great!"

"EWWWWW! Gross! PLEASE SHUT UP!" Rocky yelled. Mark smirked. (It was a family thing.)

"HE SAID PLEASE!" Ross pleaded covering his ears.

"I was just you an opinion!"

"Never again" Ryland whispered moving as close to the edge of the couch as he could.

"Guys just please remember that if a girl wants you to have sex without a condom, say no. It's not will-power. It's common sense. Okay?"

Everyone nodded again. Ellington finally spoke up "Is that it?"

"Nope, there more!" Mark exclaimed as all four of the boys groaned. "So masterbaiting"

"DAD! We are NOT talking about this!" Rocky screamed.

"Jeez when can you just calm the fuck down!" Ross replied receiving a glare from his dad but at least it shut Rocky up.

Riker was in hysterics upstairs, He couldn't hear the conversation but he could hear the occasional screech from Ross or Rocky. He had to text Curt about it. Crap wasn't Curt on date night with Kim. Oh well, Who gives a fuck about Kim?

"One last thing,"

"Thank God" Three of the boys smiled.

"Fingering" All their smiles dropped. "I want to tell you how to do it properly so when the time comes your girlfriend is amazed at your sick skills!"

"I think I am gonna' be sick" Ross complained gagging.

( Page break ~ I ain't gonna write that shit!)

"Any questions?" It was silent "Great! You guys can leave"

"Finally!" Rocky collapsed on the ground. Ross wandered out of the room to phone Laura, Ellington went to find Eli to tell her what had just happened but Ryland just sat there.

"Why?"

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**WHAT HAVE I WRITEN! MOST OF THE LONG SEX PARAGRAPHS TAKEN FROM BBC CAUSE I DON'T KNOW SHIT, WHY AM I WRITING IN CAPS? L xxx**


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